this song gives me goosebumps every time i listen to it.its amazing how song relates to you in many many ways right?
thanx for coming into my life! =)
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
relocate?
i guess we cant complaint when we are studying.what more when we are funded to study abroad.shhh no complaints no blame.just work for it!
i havent had proper sleep for the last week and i am actually amazed at how my body react to it.im currently like a machine,im either switched on to do my work or switched off to sleep and rest.fair enough :)
i could deal with that.however,what upset me the most is i could not plan my journey time properly.its out of my hand.totally out of my hand.
i live about an hour away from campus.hmm not too bad considering in london,standard door to door journey is about an hour or so.so yeah okay thats not too bad n i dont have go through many changes.
if it is a smooth ride,i dont even have to wait long for busses.i just have to catch bus 42 from denmark hill to tower gateway in which the clear traffic journey is only about 25minutes.then i hop off the bus and hop on a dlr from tower gateway to cyprus station which takes another 25 minutes.so yeah smooth ride is about an hour to school.
hmm smooth ride haa.well u know what.its not always smooth ride everyday.on average it takes me roughly one and a half hour to school.spare the extra minutes waiting for the bus that dont ever seem to come and the bad traffic that u wished u have brought a bread to clear the jam.hmm i know.bad joke huh.
so yeah.studying is okay but its the travelling that drains my physical energy.mind you,standing in the cold with harsh wind gushing on you waiting hoping the bus to come for ages exhaust not just my physical energy but also mentally depriving i could say i lost 70% of my patience.tips: dont call or text me while im waiting for bus because i'll just blow it to you.ask jeff.he gets it everytime.
i think ive started liking the idea of living on campus.i wont just save my travelling time (which also means i could get more sleep), i would also save hell lot of money from travelling. and having all the facilities within walking distance tempts me.
last monday i stayed overnight in the uni and went to school the next day without bathing.i kept telling myself i stink (in which of course i didnt!) and yeah i would love to have a room in the hall so i could have the convenience of working and living without consideration of travelling on public transport.i almost thought ive clearly i made up my mind that i am going to apply for a room and move into the hall next year.
then i went home in the evening.and the first thing i did was put my stuff in the lounge.i have this corner in the lounge where i set up a working space so i could do my work.and i just rest on the couch,relieved to be home.and i went to make a cup of milo in the kitchen,i sat at the dining table and just look at the kitchen.my kitchen.my huge kitchen considering its london.and at one side of the wall i look at the row of shoes idora and i had on the shoe rack.visitors always thought there are more than 2 people living in this house at the first impression of how big the house is and many the shoes are!most of the time we just grin.afterall we are girls and girls LOVE shoes.
after having my cup of milo i head to my room upstairs.aaaahhh my room.my very own room.i hurried to change and have shower considering i have not bathed for 2 days now.and yeah if i havent mentioned i even have a sink in my room (i dont know why) but in many2 ways its an advantage to me because i dont have to do run to toilet everytime i need to use the tap.and its within reach from my bed meaning i dont even have to stand and walk from my bed to have a glass of water.n yeah bed.my white covered bed which i love so much.i could stay in bed all day and pamper myself with all sorts of manicure pedicure skin hair care product without having to go downstairs.i have them all here.and the parlour beside my bed is genius as it gives me extra work top to put my books and my little bedside lamp.often i read myself to sleep with all sorts of books that i read and the location of the lamp is just perfect.
lying in bed then,with my books,i thought to myself.could i give up all these homely feeling to the dormitary-like halls and having to share kitchen with another 4 other flatmates without knowing what type of food do they even eat.and could i even live without my lounge?my sunny lounge that overlooks the lovely grove lane and a tennis court that inspires me to play sports.even if i put all these sentiments aside,could the new hall or room accommodate my stuff?i tell you my stuff has grown so much i could not imagine myself moving from this house other than going back to malaysia for good.
hmm.at all time i wish i could relocate this house to somewhere closer to uni.or even better,relocate the uni to the city.haha crazy.oh well,i cant have them both can i.
i guess i have to choose.i will definitely be staying here until i finish with this year study.but do i want to endure the long journeys everyday to school again for next year?hmm i dont know.
i kept on thinking of it this way.
travel is a means to an end.home.
i havent had proper sleep for the last week and i am actually amazed at how my body react to it.im currently like a machine,im either switched on to do my work or switched off to sleep and rest.fair enough :)
i could deal with that.however,what upset me the most is i could not plan my journey time properly.its out of my hand.totally out of my hand.
i live about an hour away from campus.hmm not too bad considering in london,standard door to door journey is about an hour or so.so yeah okay thats not too bad n i dont have go through many changes.
if it is a smooth ride,i dont even have to wait long for busses.i just have to catch bus 42 from denmark hill to tower gateway in which the clear traffic journey is only about 25minutes.then i hop off the bus and hop on a dlr from tower gateway to cyprus station which takes another 25 minutes.so yeah smooth ride is about an hour to school.
hmm smooth ride haa.well u know what.its not always smooth ride everyday.on average it takes me roughly one and a half hour to school.spare the extra minutes waiting for the bus that dont ever seem to come and the bad traffic that u wished u have brought a bread to clear the jam.hmm i know.bad joke huh.
so yeah.studying is okay but its the travelling that drains my physical energy.mind you,standing in the cold with harsh wind gushing on you waiting hoping the bus to come for ages exhaust not just my physical energy but also mentally depriving i could say i lost 70% of my patience.tips: dont call or text me while im waiting for bus because i'll just blow it to you.ask jeff.he gets it everytime.
i think ive started liking the idea of living on campus.i wont just save my travelling time (which also means i could get more sleep), i would also save hell lot of money from travelling. and having all the facilities within walking distance tempts me.
last monday i stayed overnight in the uni and went to school the next day without bathing.i kept telling myself i stink (in which of course i didnt!) and yeah i would love to have a room in the hall so i could have the convenience of working and living without consideration of travelling on public transport.i almost thought ive clearly i made up my mind that i am going to apply for a room and move into the hall next year.
then i went home in the evening.and the first thing i did was put my stuff in the lounge.i have this corner in the lounge where i set up a working space so i could do my work.and i just rest on the couch,relieved to be home.and i went to make a cup of milo in the kitchen,i sat at the dining table and just look at the kitchen.my kitchen.my huge kitchen considering its london.and at one side of the wall i look at the row of shoes idora and i had on the shoe rack.visitors always thought there are more than 2 people living in this house at the first impression of how big the house is and many the shoes are!most of the time we just grin.afterall we are girls and girls LOVE shoes.
after having my cup of milo i head to my room upstairs.aaaahhh my room.my very own room.i hurried to change and have shower considering i have not bathed for 2 days now.and yeah if i havent mentioned i even have a sink in my room (i dont know why) but in many2 ways its an advantage to me because i dont have to do run to toilet everytime i need to use the tap.and its within reach from my bed meaning i dont even have to stand and walk from my bed to have a glass of water.n yeah bed.my white covered bed which i love so much.i could stay in bed all day and pamper myself with all sorts of manicure pedicure skin hair care product without having to go downstairs.i have them all here.and the parlour beside my bed is genius as it gives me extra work top to put my books and my little bedside lamp.often i read myself to sleep with all sorts of books that i read and the location of the lamp is just perfect.
lying in bed then,with my books,i thought to myself.could i give up all these homely feeling to the dormitary-like halls and having to share kitchen with another 4 other flatmates without knowing what type of food do they even eat.and could i even live without my lounge?my sunny lounge that overlooks the lovely grove lane and a tennis court that inspires me to play sports.even if i put all these sentiments aside,could the new hall or room accommodate my stuff?i tell you my stuff has grown so much i could not imagine myself moving from this house other than going back to malaysia for good.
hmm.at all time i wish i could relocate this house to somewhere closer to uni.or even better,relocate the uni to the city.haha crazy.oh well,i cant have them both can i.
i guess i have to choose.i will definitely be staying here until i finish with this year study.but do i want to endure the long journeys everyday to school again for next year?hmm i dont know.
i kept on thinking of it this way.
travel is a means to an end.home.
Sunday, 6 December 2009
sunday evening
sunday morning rain is falling
sunday evening wind is blowing
sunday sunday sundayyy
oh wow what a long day
i bet jeff is fast asleep now.i wish i could too.but i just know i cant.
am currently in the library.its 830 and its dark outside.no dlr for the weekend means urgh i probably need to sleep in the library.we will see.
sleep well b.didnt mean to do what i did today.i am just so lonely now not thousands of friends could fill the emptiness in the space that i have for you.talking to you makes my day.my everyday.
terribly missing you!
sunday evening wind is blowing
sunday sunday sundayyy
oh wow what a long day
i bet jeff is fast asleep now.i wish i could too.but i just know i cant.
am currently in the library.its 830 and its dark outside.no dlr for the weekend means urgh i probably need to sleep in the library.we will see.
sleep well b.didnt mean to do what i did today.i am just so lonely now not thousands of friends could fill the emptiness in the space that i have for you.talking to you makes my day.my everyday.
terribly missing you!
Friday, 4 December 2009
suddenly
i am currently reading cities for a small planet by Richard Rogers.and i find it amazingly inspiring.
i know i should be carrying on finishing this book but i cant help myself imagining of what i could do or what i would be able to contribute to malaysia in answering issues raised in this book.oh pardon me for not introducing the insight of the book.it is actually discussing the essence of a city of how it was, how it is and how it will be.and just by this main subject, i think it had successfully unfold the hidden cognitive content within the development of a city,an urban space and its relation to human being and how we behave towards the built environment.
i thought for a moment, i just have to pause and write instinctly the immediate impact i had from this book towards my thinking. i may just be too early to conclude anything but i guess the book had given me ideas of what malaysia could improve in terms of urbanization of a city and how the character of different cities should stay and create an agglomeration into an urban context as a whole.
yeah i think i have a better clarity of my ambition now. and undoubtedly im sure my ambition will develop into some what a vision of how i could contribute into making malaysia a better country. and i might have other different ideas that will come along through this journey.but one thing i am very sure is, i know i will want to make a change or at least contribute on developing urbanization in malaysia.from various aspect.
yeah i know tetiba hari ni semangat gile la kann.but heyy i am indeed a malaysian. and i guess its not wrong to be patriotic every once in a while. afterall, i am a government sponsored student. ;)
i know i should be carrying on finishing this book but i cant help myself imagining of what i could do or what i would be able to contribute to malaysia in answering issues raised in this book.oh pardon me for not introducing the insight of the book.it is actually discussing the essence of a city of how it was, how it is and how it will be.and just by this main subject, i think it had successfully unfold the hidden cognitive content within the development of a city,an urban space and its relation to human being and how we behave towards the built environment.
i thought for a moment, i just have to pause and write instinctly the immediate impact i had from this book towards my thinking. i may just be too early to conclude anything but i guess the book had given me ideas of what malaysia could improve in terms of urbanization of a city and how the character of different cities should stay and create an agglomeration into an urban context as a whole.
yeah i think i have a better clarity of my ambition now. and undoubtedly im sure my ambition will develop into some what a vision of how i could contribute into making malaysia a better country. and i might have other different ideas that will come along through this journey.but one thing i am very sure is, i know i will want to make a change or at least contribute on developing urbanization in malaysia.from various aspect.
yeah i know tetiba hari ni semangat gile la kann.but heyy i am indeed a malaysian. and i guess its not wrong to be patriotic every once in a while. afterall, i am a government sponsored student. ;)
kenaaa!!!
Haiiyoyoo what laaa have happenned to my motivation!!everyday sangat super tak productive and sleep anywhere i could.and eat all i cann..urghh ni sume winter punye pasal!!
i had a very helpful input from Christoph this morning for my essay topic thats due 6 weeks away and thanx to the early rise this morning and the fruitful discussion i had, i was very highly motivated to atleast complete a draft by the end of today.
so i head to the library,get to the online catalogue,look for the books that i find would be helpful with my critical analysis and head for just any vacant black machine nearby the window facing the breathtaking view of Royal Albert Dock and the City Airport just accross it.
magnificent view!great momentum!excellent references on the table.endless flow of pouring ideas and a black screened machine to assist with the research materials.you goo girl!
oh well so i thought...
this black screened machine is delusive.its dangerously dangerous!look what im doing now!after half an hour surfing the net and 15 minutes facebooking and about another 10 minutes typing this post, my references books and notes have stayed intact!!
nooo evil thing!!!look what you have done to my great momentum and my high motivation for the last oh well good one hour??!!!!
im soooo quitting you now and get backk to my books!dont believe me?ii amm quitting u now!yes!NOW!!
........
(okay i lied..im still on this black machine)
sigh!
i had a very helpful input from Christoph this morning for my essay topic thats due 6 weeks away and thanx to the early rise this morning and the fruitful discussion i had, i was very highly motivated to atleast complete a draft by the end of today.
so i head to the library,get to the online catalogue,look for the books that i find would be helpful with my critical analysis and head for just any vacant black machine nearby the window facing the breathtaking view of Royal Albert Dock and the City Airport just accross it.
magnificent view!great momentum!excellent references on the table.endless flow of pouring ideas and a black screened machine to assist with the research materials.you goo girl!
oh well so i thought...
this black screened machine is delusive.its dangerously dangerous!look what im doing now!after half an hour surfing the net and 15 minutes facebooking and about another 10 minutes typing this post, my references books and notes have stayed intact!!
nooo evil thing!!!look what you have done to my great momentum and my high motivation for the last oh well good one hour??!!!!
im soooo quitting you now and get backk to my books!dont believe me?ii amm quitting u now!yes!NOW!!
........
(okay i lied..im still on this black machine)
sigh!
Monday, 30 November 2009
winter wondering
good bye autumn helloooo winter...
winter...hmm
here is my definition of winter.
winter = coldness (its inevitable duhh)
winter = darkness
winter = loneliness
winter = laziness
winter = sickness
winter = wetness (apekahh)
winter = emotional depression
winter = mental depression
winter = constant hunger
winter = winter without you is the longest dreadful season i could have not imagine of.winter without you is the most depriving season it drains my emotions and energy just battling with the inner voices.winter without you is the darkest and i fear losing my way without your guidance.winter without you is the loneliest and i just do not know how to deal with.
when all my life i was always talking about dreaming big and flying high,i guess this winter gives me a different definition of a 'dream'.
one evening i was walking home when i passed a couple in my way.i thought they were crazy but i knew it was just jealousy.they were taking their time walking and laughing and chatting and giggling while i was walking quickly rushing to reach home and salvage myself from the cold wind gushing me outside.yea i guess it speaks a lot about walking alone and walking with someone you are very fond of what more someone you love.their warmth makes you forgot the coldness that surrounds you.and the feeling is just so surreal.
and i snapped immediately.i dont want to do this alone.
so yeah if it means i have to give up my dreams to be with you,i guess i would.i could always find other dreams to live up to.but i guess at the moment i could put my wishlist and dreamboxes aside and work on one bigger dream.i want to just get over with my studies and be with you.even if it means i have to come home for good,i wouldnt mind.even if it means i have to live with that little amount of money that i will earn working there,i wouldnt mind at all.even if it means i could not travel to the europe or any other places for a weekend treat or a short break,i wouldnt mind at all.even if it means i have to finally face the expensive price tags for basic living back home and worrying do i even have enough money to make it to the next pay,i would endure it at all.because afterall,doing all those other things without you is no fun and i would rather be figuring how to live within restrictions with you than living a free life alone.
so i guess winter really brings out the soft spot in me.and makes me realize that dreams are not just about myself but could also be shared with someone else.and that makes the dreams more meaningful than you could ever thought it will.
thank you winter for making me think.
*taking a deep breath*
am currently looking outside the window into the dark.sigh.its only 6pm but it already felt like its 11pm or so.guess i just have to go through this with extra strength and super extra discipline(otherwise all i do is sleep and i could never get my work done!).
oh well.do i even have a choice?looks like i just have to endure this loooong lonely winter.sigh
winter...hmm
here is my definition of winter.
winter = coldness (its inevitable duhh)
winter = darkness
winter = loneliness
winter = laziness
winter = sickness
winter = wetness (apekahh)
winter = emotional depression
winter = mental depression
winter = constant hunger
winter = winter without you is the longest dreadful season i could have not imagine of.winter without you is the most depriving season it drains my emotions and energy just battling with the inner voices.winter without you is the darkest and i fear losing my way without your guidance.winter without you is the loneliest and i just do not know how to deal with.
when all my life i was always talking about dreaming big and flying high,i guess this winter gives me a different definition of a 'dream'.
one evening i was walking home when i passed a couple in my way.i thought they were crazy but i knew it was just jealousy.they were taking their time walking and laughing and chatting and giggling while i was walking quickly rushing to reach home and salvage myself from the cold wind gushing me outside.yea i guess it speaks a lot about walking alone and walking with someone you are very fond of what more someone you love.their warmth makes you forgot the coldness that surrounds you.and the feeling is just so surreal.
and i snapped immediately.i dont want to do this alone.
so yeah if it means i have to give up my dreams to be with you,i guess i would.i could always find other dreams to live up to.but i guess at the moment i could put my wishlist and dreamboxes aside and work on one bigger dream.i want to just get over with my studies and be with you.even if it means i have to come home for good,i wouldnt mind.even if it means i have to live with that little amount of money that i will earn working there,i wouldnt mind at all.even if it means i could not travel to the europe or any other places for a weekend treat or a short break,i wouldnt mind at all.even if it means i have to finally face the expensive price tags for basic living back home and worrying do i even have enough money to make it to the next pay,i would endure it at all.because afterall,doing all those other things without you is no fun and i would rather be figuring how to live within restrictions with you than living a free life alone.
so i guess winter really brings out the soft spot in me.and makes me realize that dreams are not just about myself but could also be shared with someone else.and that makes the dreams more meaningful than you could ever thought it will.
thank you winter for making me think.
*taking a deep breath*
am currently looking outside the window into the dark.sigh.its only 6pm but it already felt like its 11pm or so.guess i just have to go through this with extra strength and super extra discipline(otherwise all i do is sleep and i could never get my work done!).
oh well.do i even have a choice?looks like i just have to endure this loooong lonely winter.sigh
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
contemplating but i guess i have to
drama!more drama in life!hehe
oh well.its just that i dont think i can cope.n now im posting in the office waiting for my boss to come.n yeah am going to tell him what i feel.
i cant cope.
its not the workload.its the travelling and rushing to get to places on time.i practically dont have free time as im always either in classes, at school, in the library or in the office working.and i dont get the privilege to enjoy my weekend as i have to compensate the hours i spent in the office on the weekdays.can you imagine how tired i am.sigh.
so yeah i dont normally give up but i guess studying is the main reason why i am here.
oh well.its just that i dont think i can cope.n now im posting in the office waiting for my boss to come.n yeah am going to tell him what i feel.
i cant cope.
its not the workload.its the travelling and rushing to get to places on time.i practically dont have free time as im always either in classes, at school, in the library or in the office working.and i dont get the privilege to enjoy my weekend as i have to compensate the hours i spent in the office on the weekdays.can you imagine how tired i am.sigh.
so yeah i dont normally give up but i guess studying is the main reason why i am here.
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