happy. and that sums it all.
oh well for the past few days ive been blessed. mama baba are here with me and yes, opah too!
theyve arrived last friday early in the morning and bless my boss for letting me work fro home, i get to spend some times with them at home. and that very day they arrived, they pushed off to cardiff and straight to newport and ever cince, they've been on the wheels until today. its very tiring i have to admit but they seem to have all the excitements sparking the energy to keep on going. and yes, today they went up north-east to Norwich for a day trip.
i'll write more of our journey but till then,im just so happy they're here i think writing is a waste of time.i'de rather sit around and giggle with pah or chat with mama baba.
lovessss :) <3
Wednesday 27 May 2009
Tuesday 26 May 2009
smile :)
good good!
and we all smiled. oh well i did not at first. i was stunned staring at the screen. jeff was saying i flunk but i was seeing otherwise. i lost my word. i was happy. i wanted to scream and shout and jump around in excitement. i had all those energy inside but i guess i was more upset with the stupid joke jef threw me in.
Alhamdulillah :)
oh well i still have a long way to go. after a not-so-good interview session i had with UCL that really pulled me down, this news did its magic and cheered me up!
Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah....
I cant get enough of praising You Lord for your generousity..
Mama on the other end sounded happy.oh well.it is a happy news and she can feel now that half of the future financial burden is off her shoulder now.and oh,baba's too..:)
Alhamdulillah.
now all i need to do is wait for the reply from Bartlett.oh if only you know how im dying to be granted the placement from them.oh if only they know how i would put my 200% efforts if im accepted into their units.and ohhh if only they know how i will make a very diligent student in their department.and oh if only the whole world know how much it would mean to me.
i know i have no other sources to ask from.Lord, i humbly plea your kindness to bless me with this great placement.please Lord, help me through this long journey i am about to embark on.and please make the path easy for me.Ameen :)
and we all smiled. oh well i did not at first. i was stunned staring at the screen. jeff was saying i flunk but i was seeing otherwise. i lost my word. i was happy. i wanted to scream and shout and jump around in excitement. i had all those energy inside but i guess i was more upset with the stupid joke jef threw me in.
Alhamdulillah :)
oh well i still have a long way to go. after a not-so-good interview session i had with UCL that really pulled me down, this news did its magic and cheered me up!
Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah....
I cant get enough of praising You Lord for your generousity..
Mama on the other end sounded happy.oh well.it is a happy news and she can feel now that half of the future financial burden is off her shoulder now.and oh,baba's too..:)
Alhamdulillah.
now all i need to do is wait for the reply from Bartlett.oh if only you know how im dying to be granted the placement from them.oh if only they know how i would put my 200% efforts if im accepted into their units.and ohhh if only they know how i will make a very diligent student in their department.and oh if only the whole world know how much it would mean to me.
i know i have no other sources to ask from.Lord, i humbly plea your kindness to bless me with this great placement.please Lord, help me through this long journey i am about to embark on.and please make the path easy for me.Ameen :)
Monday 18 May 2009
plays, please go away
over the past few days i had been having the scene played over and over again in my head. it was simply, informal. at first i thought ive nailed it but it didntt went as smooth and i deviated!!
the thought of it was soo frustrating. i wish i would have just scrapped the term and presented my hope in the simplest language one could ever understand. jargon, leave please! i dont need different terms. at least simple words convey what i meant. i should have i should have i should have!!!
oh loose it..that was so frustrating..humps, do you have to keep coming in front of my ways?
i need a smooth ride, not a bumpy one.......:(
budak darjah lima, jangan buat lawak bodoh lagi dah ye..sungguh bengang tahu tak?
the thought of it was soo frustrating. i wish i would have just scrapped the term and presented my hope in the simplest language one could ever understand. jargon, leave please! i dont need different terms. at least simple words convey what i meant. i should have i should have i should have!!!
oh loose it..that was so frustrating..humps, do you have to keep coming in front of my ways?
i need a smooth ride, not a bumpy one.......:(
budak darjah lima, jangan buat lawak bodoh lagi dah ye..sungguh bengang tahu tak?
Saturday 16 May 2009
Sunday 10 May 2009
h o p e . . . ?
excitement strikes. am currently filled with joy and anxiousness. suddenly the sky is bluer than it seems. and the weather is prettier than it should be. the trees are dancing to the winds. the sun is shining brightly and the wind is whispering faintly through my ears. summer breeze is on his way.
i stood up straight arms wide open face up to the sun. i am just happy and the universe seems to be sharing it with me.i am smiling and i cant stop.
in my eyelids i see little children flying kites in the sky, running around chasing each other chattering gleefully. i felt as if im part of them. i wanted to join them, badly i do. i waived and i waived till i get noticed. we didnt speak but we ggigled our way. i am them! i am the children in the lids! they are the happy thoughts i have thats been playing around in my head. they are my inner strength ready to strike focused and they are the postive energy that echoes in my ears.
but joy, please dont go overboard!
and ive got a sudden urge. i wanted to jump but my feet got stuck on the ground. i wanted to run but my legs are too heavy to move. i wanted to shout but my throat seems to dry out and im left with all these excitement without any chances of expressing it to the world.
i sat straight and still. my stomach is swirling. butterflies are flapping inside.. oh no i felt a sudden sickness and im all sweating now. children, where are you? where have you all been to? please dont leave me alone. please help me overcome this sickness. for a moment i lied down helplessly. no more green grass. no more kites. no more summer breeze. no nothing. only me and the blazing hot sands.
why do i have to be here?why do i even have to be here?
the battle is within me. listen to the dark and i'll faint. hold on to the light and i'll rise. i definitely will! 'hope, dont leave me in the dark..' 'please, carry me through to the lights..' i begged and i begged. i dont want to face all these alone.
all these little plays that i have, they are me! and they resemble me.
flush these darkness away. i cant afford to lose my strength. at least not for now nor never. i want to hear the gleeful voices in my head, forever. am going to wash my head and my hair. and am going to wrap them with optimism. im rising up again. higher than before.
Dear Allah, please help me through. hamba-Mu ini amatlah lemah menghadapi dunia-Mu. murahkanlah rezeki ku dan permudahkan lah urusan ku..ameen..
i stood up straight arms wide open face up to the sun. i am just happy and the universe seems to be sharing it with me.i am smiling and i cant stop.
in my eyelids i see little children flying kites in the sky, running around chasing each other chattering gleefully. i felt as if im part of them. i wanted to join them, badly i do. i waived and i waived till i get noticed. we didnt speak but we ggigled our way. i am them! i am the children in the lids! they are the happy thoughts i have thats been playing around in my head. they are my inner strength ready to strike focused and they are the postive energy that echoes in my ears.
but joy, please dont go overboard!
and ive got a sudden urge. i wanted to jump but my feet got stuck on the ground. i wanted to run but my legs are too heavy to move. i wanted to shout but my throat seems to dry out and im left with all these excitement without any chances of expressing it to the world.
i sat straight and still. my stomach is swirling. butterflies are flapping inside.. oh no i felt a sudden sickness and im all sweating now. children, where are you? where have you all been to? please dont leave me alone. please help me overcome this sickness. for a moment i lied down helplessly. no more green grass. no more kites. no more summer breeze. no nothing. only me and the blazing hot sands.
why do i have to be here?why do i even have to be here?
the battle is within me. listen to the dark and i'll faint. hold on to the light and i'll rise. i definitely will! 'hope, dont leave me in the dark..' 'please, carry me through to the lights..' i begged and i begged. i dont want to face all these alone.
all these little plays that i have, they are me! and they resemble me.
flush these darkness away. i cant afford to lose my strength. at least not for now nor never. i want to hear the gleeful voices in my head, forever. am going to wash my head and my hair. and am going to wrap them with optimism. im rising up again. higher than before.
Dear Allah, please help me through. hamba-Mu ini amatlah lemah menghadapi dunia-Mu. murahkanlah rezeki ku dan permudahkan lah urusan ku..ameen..
Tuesday 5 May 2009
when my mind whispers...
Tuesday, 9.00am
Am in the bus. The journey had been a very slow one. Never mind that. Ive slept my whole way through. I can feel that my contact lenses gets a bit dry. Probably because Ive been sleeping my whole way through. My vision is blurred. I took my cell out and glanced at the time. Shit im soo late! And Im still 10 minutes away. Hmm its okay I bet Handel is stil on his way. I sat relaxed. But this triggers me. Am I ignorant?
Tuesday, 9.15am
I got off the bus. My tummy is growling. Yes I kept a beast inside. I walked by Tesco. I wanted to go in to grab a bite. Went to the automated door but the time struck. I am just late and still thought of getting a bite. Am I ignorant? Walked straight to the office.
Tuesday, 9.20am
Got into the avenue. Saw Nathan's open today. Thought of checking if Handel dropped by before. Nope he must have waited for me. Changed my mind and went straight into the building. Am I ignorant?
Tuesday, 9.25am
As I should have thought, Handel was there waiting in the corridor. Prince came early to clean the office. They are never late. Greeted Handel but forgotten to do just the same to Prince. He still is a being just like anyone else. Am I ignorant? Turned around to greet but circumstances says too late. Just smiled. I dont want to be ignorant. Nor arrogant.
Tuesday, 9.35am
Looked at the task for today. Few bookings. Should I call the Landlord now or later? Navigated away and into my email. Am I ignorant? Went straight for the telephone and dialled the number. The enthusiastic voice on the other end was happy to get a confirmation call from me. Dont! Dont be such an ignorant person.
Tuesday, 10.40am
Tummy is growling. Went down to Tesco. Walked down the bakery isle and felt like buying all of the freshly baked items. Nafsu! Took quite a few but remembered still have some croissants in my drawer. But its left over few days now. Am I ignorant? Others are suffering from malnutrition and Im wasting? Put back the excessive buns. Thrifty is the new me!
Tuesday, 10.48am
Paid my croissant and heading for the exit. Saw a woman with a shopping bag. Woman put a few wine bottles into the bag. Woman looks suspicious. Woman stared at me with flicking eyes. I could have shouted for security but I only looked. Woman escaped the door. I was left stunned. Woman did not run, only walked. Security could have caught her if I shouted. But I did not. Ive only walked away as if nothing happened in front of my eyes. Am I ignorant?
Been asking myself this question all morning but the incident proved me. I guess I am. Well I dont want to!
Wake me up. I dont want to be ignorant!
Am in the bus. The journey had been a very slow one. Never mind that. Ive slept my whole way through. I can feel that my contact lenses gets a bit dry. Probably because Ive been sleeping my whole way through. My vision is blurred. I took my cell out and glanced at the time. Shit im soo late! And Im still 10 minutes away. Hmm its okay I bet Handel is stil on his way. I sat relaxed. But this triggers me. Am I ignorant?
Tuesday, 9.15am
I got off the bus. My tummy is growling. Yes I kept a beast inside. I walked by Tesco. I wanted to go in to grab a bite. Went to the automated door but the time struck. I am just late and still thought of getting a bite. Am I ignorant? Walked straight to the office.
Tuesday, 9.20am
Got into the avenue. Saw Nathan's open today. Thought of checking if Handel dropped by before. Nope he must have waited for me. Changed my mind and went straight into the building. Am I ignorant?
Tuesday, 9.25am
As I should have thought, Handel was there waiting in the corridor. Prince came early to clean the office. They are never late. Greeted Handel but forgotten to do just the same to Prince. He still is a being just like anyone else. Am I ignorant? Turned around to greet but circumstances says too late. Just smiled. I dont want to be ignorant. Nor arrogant.
Tuesday, 9.35am
Looked at the task for today. Few bookings. Should I call the Landlord now or later? Navigated away and into my email. Am I ignorant? Went straight for the telephone and dialled the number. The enthusiastic voice on the other end was happy to get a confirmation call from me. Dont! Dont be such an ignorant person.
Tuesday, 10.40am
Tummy is growling. Went down to Tesco. Walked down the bakery isle and felt like buying all of the freshly baked items. Nafsu! Took quite a few but remembered still have some croissants in my drawer. But its left over few days now. Am I ignorant? Others are suffering from malnutrition and Im wasting? Put back the excessive buns. Thrifty is the new me!
Tuesday, 10.48am
Paid my croissant and heading for the exit. Saw a woman with a shopping bag. Woman put a few wine bottles into the bag. Woman looks suspicious. Woman stared at me with flicking eyes. I could have shouted for security but I only looked. Woman escaped the door. I was left stunned. Woman did not run, only walked. Security could have caught her if I shouted. But I did not. Ive only walked away as if nothing happened in front of my eyes. Am I ignorant?
Been asking myself this question all morning but the incident proved me. I guess I am. Well I dont want to!
Wake me up. I dont want to be ignorant!
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