oleh kerana otak sangat lembap it pile up to be a frustration..ape it?it adalah bila otak lambat berfikir atau tak dapat memikirkan idea idea yang bernas,jadi membuahkan suatu perasaan iaitu kekecewaan terhadap diri sendiri..
selama 24 tahun belajar (tolak 4 tahun dari bayi hingga 5 tahun) atau lebih tepat lagi 20 tahun belajar (dan jangan lupa tolak 2 tahun bekerja) maka selama 18tahun hidup menuntut ilmu di institusi pengajian,tidaklah pernah saya terasa sangat bebal seperti sekarang.
ini adalah kekecewaan hati diri sendiri :(
Wednesday 30 December 2009
wonderful
ade baaaaaanyak benda nak cerita and nak tulis.but because its holiday so i get to spend lots of time on the phone n internet with mjjaj n i told him most of my stories.n because this blog is specially dedicated for him (he was the one who pestered me to start this blog in the first place anyways), rase malas pulak nak tulis banyak2 because he already knew what ever that i wanted to write.
anyways,am going to lady gaga's concert this coming month.so sekarang tgh sebok study lady gaga's songs.haha stupid i know.but heyy i want to sing along nanti n not just terpacak layan music tapi takleh nyanyi.lol
n this one song me likey!!!
specially dedicated to mjjaj.again.hehee..sorry tapi who would have thought i'll be in love again after so many things?i thought im only good at being dumped and breaking hearts but i guess mjjaj managed to tie me to the ground and said no, its time for life!
will write more of the 2009.and conclude so much.will do that tomorrow though.today is still 30th and not the last day yet. :P
anyways,am going to lady gaga's concert this coming month.so sekarang tgh sebok study lady gaga's songs.haha stupid i know.but heyy i want to sing along nanti n not just terpacak layan music tapi takleh nyanyi.lol
n this one song me likey!!!
specially dedicated to mjjaj.again.hehee..sorry tapi who would have thought i'll be in love again after so many things?i thought im only good at being dumped and breaking hearts but i guess mjjaj managed to tie me to the ground and said no, its time for life!
will write more of the 2009.and conclude so much.will do that tomorrow though.today is still 30th and not the last day yet. :P
Wednesday 16 December 2009
snnoooowwwww!!!!
yeah.again.its snowing in london!!
me: bbbb
me: SNOOWWWWW
(i sent picture of the snow rain in my yard)
jefriman: Bbbbbbbb
jefriman: London gilaaaaaa
me: tau takperrr
jefriman: sejuk tak
jefriman: takpe,jaket hitam i tu memang tahan tauu
=)
ape jeff cakap tu mmg betul.london gila.earlier this year we had a very thick snow (knee high!!) in london and yeah letme tell u something,IN LONDON!!london is not suppose to have all this heavy snow.this global warming is really starting to take its toll on the world's climate huh.
nevertheless,i get to experience having thick snow and making my own version of snow man (a little tiny one sbb too lazy to finish it..its freezing cold durhh!!)and i guess it would be nice too because they will be having white christmas this year.
thinking.wouldnt it be nice if i could have some gula melaka and kuah cendol here.nanti bila snow dah tebal bole scoop je the ice and have it with my cendol..sluuuurrrpppp
yeah keep on dreaming.crit is tomorrow for god sake get back to work!sigh
me: bbbb
me: SNOOWWWWW
(i sent picture of the snow rain in my yard)
jefriman: Bbbbbbbb
jefriman: London gilaaaaaa
me: tau takperrr
jefriman: sejuk tak
jefriman: takpe,jaket hitam i tu memang tahan tauu
=)
ape jeff cakap tu mmg betul.london gila.earlier this year we had a very thick snow (knee high!!) in london and yeah letme tell u something,IN LONDON!!london is not suppose to have all this heavy snow.this global warming is really starting to take its toll on the world's climate huh.
nevertheless,i get to experience having thick snow and making my own version of snow man (a little tiny one sbb too lazy to finish it..its freezing cold durhh!!)and i guess it would be nice too because they will be having white christmas this year.
thinking.wouldnt it be nice if i could have some gula melaka and kuah cendol here.nanti bila snow dah tebal bole scoop je the ice and have it with my cendol..sluuuurrrpppp
yeah keep on dreaming.crit is tomorrow for god sake get back to work!sigh
Friday 11 December 2009
sambal belacan
you read that right.sambal belacan!
mom sent sambal belacan instant for me last monday.uncle capt (thats what we call him for being a capten) arrived monday morning with my usual lot mama used to send to me. tat nenas (my fave), kuah rojak from opah (i love opah!) and this time with 3 bottles of sambal belacan!wee hoo!!sambal belacan in bottles!!in return i send her the pressure cooker she's been asking for months now.hope she's got it now :)
so yeah sambal belacan.i went home and boy i couldnt tell you how knackered i was!tiring weekend,sleepless nights,tiring discussion yadaa yadaa.all i could think of was just have shower and sleep! (yeah,i didnt have shower this morning because i was sleeping at uni.shh.our secret :P)
put my stuff in the lounge,went into the kitchen and indulged myself with a cup of hot milo (u have no idea how milo comfort you so much in this cold lonely winter) and thought of what to have with my sambal belacan.
obviously i was too tired now to cook..so i let the cooker do his magic with the rice while i dug into the fridge looking for any left-overs to have with my sambal belacan.n tadaaa yess!i found not one but two left-over to have for dinner.one is peri2 chicken i had last friday (i never really finish my food and its very common for me to pack them, bring home, stuff in the kitchen until its time that i would think..naah its too long then in the bin u go!but this peri peri chicken had been saved by my sambal belacan weehoo!) and the other was some soup i cooked last week.cant remember when though :P
so yeah i reheat everything in the microwave,ran upstairs and had my refreshing shower and came back with everything ready complete with a sign..; DIG IN!!!!
n so i did.they were yummily delicious!!! (except for the fact that the chicken was then very dry thanks for 3days in the fridge and an inconsiderate level of heat in the microwave and the soup..hmm yeah actually the soup was off.but i ate it anyway because i knew my stomach could stand it but halfway through i just thought its too bitter for me to take.i know u might think im gross :P)
yeah for a long long time now i havent enjoyed my dinner as much as i did last monday.(or is it safe to say i only enjoyed my rice and sambal belacan?)
and thanx to my sambal belacan, i have all the drive to cook now!
the day before some fish
and tomyam for thursday
and kari ikan on friday
and now thinking wut to cook for today......
oh i still have the left over of yesterday's curry..i'l just reheat it and eat it with my sambal belacan!
yummilicious!
mom sent sambal belacan instant for me last monday.uncle capt (thats what we call him for being a capten) arrived monday morning with my usual lot mama used to send to me. tat nenas (my fave), kuah rojak from opah (i love opah!) and this time with 3 bottles of sambal belacan!wee hoo!!sambal belacan in bottles!!in return i send her the pressure cooker she's been asking for months now.hope she's got it now :)
so yeah sambal belacan.i went home and boy i couldnt tell you how knackered i was!tiring weekend,sleepless nights,tiring discussion yadaa yadaa.all i could think of was just have shower and sleep! (yeah,i didnt have shower this morning because i was sleeping at uni.shh.our secret :P)
put my stuff in the lounge,went into the kitchen and indulged myself with a cup of hot milo (u have no idea how milo comfort you so much in this cold lonely winter) and thought of what to have with my sambal belacan.
obviously i was too tired now to cook..so i let the cooker do his magic with the rice while i dug into the fridge looking for any left-overs to have with my sambal belacan.n tadaaa yess!i found not one but two left-over to have for dinner.one is peri2 chicken i had last friday (i never really finish my food and its very common for me to pack them, bring home, stuff in the kitchen until its time that i would think..naah its too long then in the bin u go!but this peri peri chicken had been saved by my sambal belacan weehoo!) and the other was some soup i cooked last week.cant remember when though :P
so yeah i reheat everything in the microwave,ran upstairs and had my refreshing shower and came back with everything ready complete with a sign..; DIG IN!!!!
n so i did.they were yummily delicious!!! (except for the fact that the chicken was then very dry thanks for 3days in the fridge and an inconsiderate level of heat in the microwave and the soup..hmm yeah actually the soup was off.but i ate it anyway because i knew my stomach could stand it but halfway through i just thought its too bitter for me to take.i know u might think im gross :P)
yeah for a long long time now i havent enjoyed my dinner as much as i did last monday.(or is it safe to say i only enjoyed my rice and sambal belacan?)
and thanx to my sambal belacan, i have all the drive to cook now!
the day before some fish
and tomyam for thursday
and kari ikan on friday
and now thinking wut to cook for today......
oh i still have the left over of yesterday's curry..i'l just reheat it and eat it with my sambal belacan!
yummilicious!
Thursday 10 December 2009
hand me down
this song gives me goosebumps every time i listen to it.its amazing how song relates to you in many many ways right?
thanx for coming into my life! =)
thanx for coming into my life! =)
Wednesday 9 December 2009
relocate?
i guess we cant complaint when we are studying.what more when we are funded to study abroad.shhh no complaints no blame.just work for it!
i havent had proper sleep for the last week and i am actually amazed at how my body react to it.im currently like a machine,im either switched on to do my work or switched off to sleep and rest.fair enough :)
i could deal with that.however,what upset me the most is i could not plan my journey time properly.its out of my hand.totally out of my hand.
i live about an hour away from campus.hmm not too bad considering in london,standard door to door journey is about an hour or so.so yeah okay thats not too bad n i dont have go through many changes.
if it is a smooth ride,i dont even have to wait long for busses.i just have to catch bus 42 from denmark hill to tower gateway in which the clear traffic journey is only about 25minutes.then i hop off the bus and hop on a dlr from tower gateway to cyprus station which takes another 25 minutes.so yeah smooth ride is about an hour to school.
hmm smooth ride haa.well u know what.its not always smooth ride everyday.on average it takes me roughly one and a half hour to school.spare the extra minutes waiting for the bus that dont ever seem to come and the bad traffic that u wished u have brought a bread to clear the jam.hmm i know.bad joke huh.
so yeah.studying is okay but its the travelling that drains my physical energy.mind you,standing in the cold with harsh wind gushing on you waiting hoping the bus to come for ages exhaust not just my physical energy but also mentally depriving i could say i lost 70% of my patience.tips: dont call or text me while im waiting for bus because i'll just blow it to you.ask jeff.he gets it everytime.
i think ive started liking the idea of living on campus.i wont just save my travelling time (which also means i could get more sleep), i would also save hell lot of money from travelling. and having all the facilities within walking distance tempts me.
last monday i stayed overnight in the uni and went to school the next day without bathing.i kept telling myself i stink (in which of course i didnt!) and yeah i would love to have a room in the hall so i could have the convenience of working and living without consideration of travelling on public transport.i almost thought ive clearly i made up my mind that i am going to apply for a room and move into the hall next year.
then i went home in the evening.and the first thing i did was put my stuff in the lounge.i have this corner in the lounge where i set up a working space so i could do my work.and i just rest on the couch,relieved to be home.and i went to make a cup of milo in the kitchen,i sat at the dining table and just look at the kitchen.my kitchen.my huge kitchen considering its london.and at one side of the wall i look at the row of shoes idora and i had on the shoe rack.visitors always thought there are more than 2 people living in this house at the first impression of how big the house is and many the shoes are!most of the time we just grin.afterall we are girls and girls LOVE shoes.
after having my cup of milo i head to my room upstairs.aaaahhh my room.my very own room.i hurried to change and have shower considering i have not bathed for 2 days now.and yeah if i havent mentioned i even have a sink in my room (i dont know why) but in many2 ways its an advantage to me because i dont have to do run to toilet everytime i need to use the tap.and its within reach from my bed meaning i dont even have to stand and walk from my bed to have a glass of water.n yeah bed.my white covered bed which i love so much.i could stay in bed all day and pamper myself with all sorts of manicure pedicure skin hair care product without having to go downstairs.i have them all here.and the parlour beside my bed is genius as it gives me extra work top to put my books and my little bedside lamp.often i read myself to sleep with all sorts of books that i read and the location of the lamp is just perfect.
lying in bed then,with my books,i thought to myself.could i give up all these homely feeling to the dormitary-like halls and having to share kitchen with another 4 other flatmates without knowing what type of food do they even eat.and could i even live without my lounge?my sunny lounge that overlooks the lovely grove lane and a tennis court that inspires me to play sports.even if i put all these sentiments aside,could the new hall or room accommodate my stuff?i tell you my stuff has grown so much i could not imagine myself moving from this house other than going back to malaysia for good.
hmm.at all time i wish i could relocate this house to somewhere closer to uni.or even better,relocate the uni to the city.haha crazy.oh well,i cant have them both can i.
i guess i have to choose.i will definitely be staying here until i finish with this year study.but do i want to endure the long journeys everyday to school again for next year?hmm i dont know.
i kept on thinking of it this way.
travel is a means to an end.home.
i havent had proper sleep for the last week and i am actually amazed at how my body react to it.im currently like a machine,im either switched on to do my work or switched off to sleep and rest.fair enough :)
i could deal with that.however,what upset me the most is i could not plan my journey time properly.its out of my hand.totally out of my hand.
i live about an hour away from campus.hmm not too bad considering in london,standard door to door journey is about an hour or so.so yeah okay thats not too bad n i dont have go through many changes.
if it is a smooth ride,i dont even have to wait long for busses.i just have to catch bus 42 from denmark hill to tower gateway in which the clear traffic journey is only about 25minutes.then i hop off the bus and hop on a dlr from tower gateway to cyprus station which takes another 25 minutes.so yeah smooth ride is about an hour to school.
hmm smooth ride haa.well u know what.its not always smooth ride everyday.on average it takes me roughly one and a half hour to school.spare the extra minutes waiting for the bus that dont ever seem to come and the bad traffic that u wished u have brought a bread to clear the jam.hmm i know.bad joke huh.
so yeah.studying is okay but its the travelling that drains my physical energy.mind you,standing in the cold with harsh wind gushing on you waiting hoping the bus to come for ages exhaust not just my physical energy but also mentally depriving i could say i lost 70% of my patience.tips: dont call or text me while im waiting for bus because i'll just blow it to you.ask jeff.he gets it everytime.
i think ive started liking the idea of living on campus.i wont just save my travelling time (which also means i could get more sleep), i would also save hell lot of money from travelling. and having all the facilities within walking distance tempts me.
last monday i stayed overnight in the uni and went to school the next day without bathing.i kept telling myself i stink (in which of course i didnt!) and yeah i would love to have a room in the hall so i could have the convenience of working and living without consideration of travelling on public transport.i almost thought ive clearly i made up my mind that i am going to apply for a room and move into the hall next year.
then i went home in the evening.and the first thing i did was put my stuff in the lounge.i have this corner in the lounge where i set up a working space so i could do my work.and i just rest on the couch,relieved to be home.and i went to make a cup of milo in the kitchen,i sat at the dining table and just look at the kitchen.my kitchen.my huge kitchen considering its london.and at one side of the wall i look at the row of shoes idora and i had on the shoe rack.visitors always thought there are more than 2 people living in this house at the first impression of how big the house is and many the shoes are!most of the time we just grin.afterall we are girls and girls LOVE shoes.
after having my cup of milo i head to my room upstairs.aaaahhh my room.my very own room.i hurried to change and have shower considering i have not bathed for 2 days now.and yeah if i havent mentioned i even have a sink in my room (i dont know why) but in many2 ways its an advantage to me because i dont have to do run to toilet everytime i need to use the tap.and its within reach from my bed meaning i dont even have to stand and walk from my bed to have a glass of water.n yeah bed.my white covered bed which i love so much.i could stay in bed all day and pamper myself with all sorts of manicure pedicure skin hair care product without having to go downstairs.i have them all here.and the parlour beside my bed is genius as it gives me extra work top to put my books and my little bedside lamp.often i read myself to sleep with all sorts of books that i read and the location of the lamp is just perfect.
lying in bed then,with my books,i thought to myself.could i give up all these homely feeling to the dormitary-like halls and having to share kitchen with another 4 other flatmates without knowing what type of food do they even eat.and could i even live without my lounge?my sunny lounge that overlooks the lovely grove lane and a tennis court that inspires me to play sports.even if i put all these sentiments aside,could the new hall or room accommodate my stuff?i tell you my stuff has grown so much i could not imagine myself moving from this house other than going back to malaysia for good.
hmm.at all time i wish i could relocate this house to somewhere closer to uni.or even better,relocate the uni to the city.haha crazy.oh well,i cant have them both can i.
i guess i have to choose.i will definitely be staying here until i finish with this year study.but do i want to endure the long journeys everyday to school again for next year?hmm i dont know.
i kept on thinking of it this way.
travel is a means to an end.home.
Sunday 6 December 2009
sunday evening
sunday morning rain is falling
sunday evening wind is blowing
sunday sunday sundayyy
oh wow what a long day
i bet jeff is fast asleep now.i wish i could too.but i just know i cant.
am currently in the library.its 830 and its dark outside.no dlr for the weekend means urgh i probably need to sleep in the library.we will see.
sleep well b.didnt mean to do what i did today.i am just so lonely now not thousands of friends could fill the emptiness in the space that i have for you.talking to you makes my day.my everyday.
terribly missing you!
sunday evening wind is blowing
sunday sunday sundayyy
oh wow what a long day
i bet jeff is fast asleep now.i wish i could too.but i just know i cant.
am currently in the library.its 830 and its dark outside.no dlr for the weekend means urgh i probably need to sleep in the library.we will see.
sleep well b.didnt mean to do what i did today.i am just so lonely now not thousands of friends could fill the emptiness in the space that i have for you.talking to you makes my day.my everyday.
terribly missing you!
Friday 4 December 2009
suddenly
i am currently reading cities for a small planet by Richard Rogers.and i find it amazingly inspiring.
i know i should be carrying on finishing this book but i cant help myself imagining of what i could do or what i would be able to contribute to malaysia in answering issues raised in this book.oh pardon me for not introducing the insight of the book.it is actually discussing the essence of a city of how it was, how it is and how it will be.and just by this main subject, i think it had successfully unfold the hidden cognitive content within the development of a city,an urban space and its relation to human being and how we behave towards the built environment.
i thought for a moment, i just have to pause and write instinctly the immediate impact i had from this book towards my thinking. i may just be too early to conclude anything but i guess the book had given me ideas of what malaysia could improve in terms of urbanization of a city and how the character of different cities should stay and create an agglomeration into an urban context as a whole.
yeah i think i have a better clarity of my ambition now. and undoubtedly im sure my ambition will develop into some what a vision of how i could contribute into making malaysia a better country. and i might have other different ideas that will come along through this journey.but one thing i am very sure is, i know i will want to make a change or at least contribute on developing urbanization in malaysia.from various aspect.
yeah i know tetiba hari ni semangat gile la kann.but heyy i am indeed a malaysian. and i guess its not wrong to be patriotic every once in a while. afterall, i am a government sponsored student. ;)
i know i should be carrying on finishing this book but i cant help myself imagining of what i could do or what i would be able to contribute to malaysia in answering issues raised in this book.oh pardon me for not introducing the insight of the book.it is actually discussing the essence of a city of how it was, how it is and how it will be.and just by this main subject, i think it had successfully unfold the hidden cognitive content within the development of a city,an urban space and its relation to human being and how we behave towards the built environment.
i thought for a moment, i just have to pause and write instinctly the immediate impact i had from this book towards my thinking. i may just be too early to conclude anything but i guess the book had given me ideas of what malaysia could improve in terms of urbanization of a city and how the character of different cities should stay and create an agglomeration into an urban context as a whole.
yeah i think i have a better clarity of my ambition now. and undoubtedly im sure my ambition will develop into some what a vision of how i could contribute into making malaysia a better country. and i might have other different ideas that will come along through this journey.but one thing i am very sure is, i know i will want to make a change or at least contribute on developing urbanization in malaysia.from various aspect.
yeah i know tetiba hari ni semangat gile la kann.but heyy i am indeed a malaysian. and i guess its not wrong to be patriotic every once in a while. afterall, i am a government sponsored student. ;)
kenaaa!!!
Haiiyoyoo what laaa have happenned to my motivation!!everyday sangat super tak productive and sleep anywhere i could.and eat all i cann..urghh ni sume winter punye pasal!!
i had a very helpful input from Christoph this morning for my essay topic thats due 6 weeks away and thanx to the early rise this morning and the fruitful discussion i had, i was very highly motivated to atleast complete a draft by the end of today.
so i head to the library,get to the online catalogue,look for the books that i find would be helpful with my critical analysis and head for just any vacant black machine nearby the window facing the breathtaking view of Royal Albert Dock and the City Airport just accross it.
magnificent view!great momentum!excellent references on the table.endless flow of pouring ideas and a black screened machine to assist with the research materials.you goo girl!
oh well so i thought...
this black screened machine is delusive.its dangerously dangerous!look what im doing now!after half an hour surfing the net and 15 minutes facebooking and about another 10 minutes typing this post, my references books and notes have stayed intact!!
nooo evil thing!!!look what you have done to my great momentum and my high motivation for the last oh well good one hour??!!!!
im soooo quitting you now and get backk to my books!dont believe me?ii amm quitting u now!yes!NOW!!
........
(okay i lied..im still on this black machine)
sigh!
i had a very helpful input from Christoph this morning for my essay topic thats due 6 weeks away and thanx to the early rise this morning and the fruitful discussion i had, i was very highly motivated to atleast complete a draft by the end of today.
so i head to the library,get to the online catalogue,look for the books that i find would be helpful with my critical analysis and head for just any vacant black machine nearby the window facing the breathtaking view of Royal Albert Dock and the City Airport just accross it.
magnificent view!great momentum!excellent references on the table.endless flow of pouring ideas and a black screened machine to assist with the research materials.you goo girl!
oh well so i thought...
this black screened machine is delusive.its dangerously dangerous!look what im doing now!after half an hour surfing the net and 15 minutes facebooking and about another 10 minutes typing this post, my references books and notes have stayed intact!!
nooo evil thing!!!look what you have done to my great momentum and my high motivation for the last oh well good one hour??!!!!
im soooo quitting you now and get backk to my books!dont believe me?ii amm quitting u now!yes!NOW!!
........
(okay i lied..im still on this black machine)
sigh!
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