writing with my eyes closed

i just have this great feeling of being able to smile again.i saw it today and without hesitating,i smiled.and i dont know what or how or where the courage had came from but i just smiled.and yes me,i just smiled.

i guess fantasies are not to be lived.fantasies are just too beautiful that they are to remain as fantasies.fantasies are just too great that we'll end up in resentment trying to realize it in real life.

its a simple fact.and so i learnt.

life is never ending-ly filled with dramas.it doesnt matter how i put in words that my life is tiring or full of dramas or many other excitement,there will always be other peoples' lives that are not any short of such events.there will always be peoples' lives that are more tiring than mine.that were filled with more wicked dramas than mine.and of course there are others with more life excitement than mine.

life is interesting.life is full of excitement.life is tailored the way one leads his life.and that makes it incomparable between one another.

and so we move on with life.i move on with life.waking up hoping that today will be better than yesterday.hoping that today will feel better than yesterday.hoping that today will patch the wound that yesterday could not.hoping that today will hushh the anger away.hoping that today will heal the pain from yesterday.

but there's always the fact that we often neglect.

the pain is always going to be there.we gradually get over the pain.it doesnt go away but its just became easier to live with.sometimes it takes weeks.sometimes it takes months.sometimes it takes years.but eventually we'll come to the point where we only think of them occassionally.

so i smiled.it was a happy smile.i was being happy for it.but i knew the pain is always there.maybe ive just came to the point where i am immuned with the pain that i didnt realize it is even there.but it is there and it is always going to be there.

but im indifferent now.even if the pain is there i could not feel it anymore.im stone hard and i just couldnt care less.i just need to get on with life and live the norm.

and so i smile.i have always been smiling and i will always do.even if i dont feel like to,i will still smile.even if i feel crushed with pain,i will still smile.because a stranger's smile always makes my day.and i dont know whose life will i touch when i put on the smile on my face.

and i still feel awkward knowing people that i knew is reading this.