forever?

i guess writing is one of the easiest means to get my thought through.i am really really bad at confronting i suppose.

i have nothing exciting to write about.its been dull and it has always been dull.reminiscing wont help at this point and i very much hope i could erase some parts of my memory.

and my biggest problem is that i tend to dwell into it.and it takes me forever to buck up again.

forever.

when will this forever leave me alone?

wan chik

i have always envied this lady.she's had a good structured life ever since she was a small girl.

Wan Chik.she's my aunt.my mother's youngest sister.and oh my,they actually share the same birth date.07 October.when we were small and arwah Atok was still alive,October was the month the whole family was looking forward to.we will normally gather at Kelab Golf Negara Subang and had the birthdays celebrations.yes,birthdays.mama's family consist of 4 siblings and bravo to the good planning(or a mere coincidence),October had been the lucky month where they were all delivered to say hello world,good bye womb.yes.mama,Ayah Nyah,Wan Yang and last but not least,Wan Chik.

i guess being the last,she had always been the golden girl.she had been growing up to see her elder sisters and brothers excel in their academics.and she had been the top student all her life.i think i could remember she was awarded with an honorary grant by UM and the whole ceremony was held to congratulate her for her achievements.and she went flying with good results and graduated with flying colours and came back to Malaysia being awarded with a Renault by arwah Atok.i very much adored her then.in the early 90's that is,my dad was only driving a yellow mazda with fury dashboard if i could remember it right and there she was driving a stylish silver renault with all the modern features(as i could remember because i was comparing it to my dad's oldschool mazda).

and of course,what else to do after one have finished her studies; ->hit the altar!she was married to a handsome uncle called Ayah Chik in a matrimonial that i remember my whole life because i was the flower girl and had got the priviledge to be on the Pelamin the whole evening in a beautiful white dress holding Wan Chik's gigantic bouquet of pink roses.and as i like to conclude it in the fairy tales,they lived happily ever after. :)

and she is now in Doha blessed with 4 children and a happy home.

i have got her sms days before and when i got the text from her using a UK number,i gave her a call,almost immediately.and as i heard her voice at the end of the receiver,i was a bit stunned.she sounded like mama.and i have missed mama very much.

and so i spent my 3days with her.we called Syukri on the bus but he's in Warwick and busy attending classes that he couldnt come over to meet Wan Chik.pity him for that because we had a great time together.we bought a postcard to send to Opah and she was browsing through one of the cards that i have picked.'the only difference in London since i was here years ago was this London Eye'.hehe i suppose.

we walked the streets of London and she knew better!she had a better navigation instinct than i do(well,isnt that apparent since i get lost easily) and i suppose she was the one who became the tour guide.haha big laugh for me.

and yeah i got the priviledge to stay over at the hotel she's staying in.it was hmmm okay la.i expected hotels at Park Lane to be woww or aaauuwww but it was fairly okay laa.it was just as similar as the many Pan Pac that i have stayed in and nothing to be compared to Mandarin Oriental or Maya Hotel.hmm cant really blame the building's age because as we all know how old Maya hotel is but how delicate the interior is.5 stars for that!but i couldnt deny the fact that the bed is sooo comfy i would pass on breakfast.

and the time she's going back to Doha,i packed my stuff and tercampaklah keluar dari hotel tersebut.isk.kan ke sedih tu.

but all in all it was a surprise visit for me and i was very much thrilled.thank you for coming.silalah datang lagi! :)

ntahlah

i have to admit that i tend to relate myself with songs that i listen to.it kinda goes with the mood.and in a funny way,it heals my soul.and it makes my mind wander into spaces of probabilities and how things should go.

and am currently listening a lot to samsons.
hmmm.


this is too much,raudhah!


*silence*


ntahlah.

60kilogram

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION FOUR YEARS IN A ROW

NAK MAKAN BANYAK BANYAK KASI BADAN NAIK SIKIT

2006

2007

2008

2009

can you see the differences?yes im expanding year by year :P
its been three years now that i have the same resolution and i think im continuing the same resolution for the fourth year in a row.but this time it's going to be more specific.im going to hit 60 on the scale.

omg thats how skinny i was!

go adah!!

1st January

31st December 2008

it was freezing cold out there.but hey its new year eve.it seems like everyone has plan for their new year eve.idura was busy on the phone setting up her plans with her friends.ima was getting ready to go out and see the fireworks.she'd waited the whole day for the night.i guess chris and beth are having friends over because i could hear some noise from below.julia and nicholas?ahah our beloved grandma and grandpa would be staying home i guess.its just not their time anymore :P

me?im lazying around i guess.ever since ive moved,i dont feel like going out a lot.in fact,i dont feel like doing anything at all.i just want to stay home in my bedrom lying on the bed lazying around pampering myself with all sorts of cream and scrubbing my feet,doing the nails blah blahh and the list goes on.there are just so many things to do in my room now i couldnt seem to get myself ready to go out.oh and i am stil in my robe even though the sun is already setting now. for the whole day i was in the robe.its cold.i just dont want to get out of the robe.

but seeing idura and ima getting ready,i felt like i wanted to go out too.i dont want to be left alone since that 'incident'.and ima bagi ayat pancing die.'nak ikut kitorang keluar ke nak duduk rumah dengan....'. shoot!having heard that i decided to join them.on the spot!pengecut gak sbenanye.hehe

so guess what time we went out?7.45pm.awal gile kot.and we arrived at the Westminster Bridge at 9.00pm.ahah.and guess when the fireworks start.yeah yeahh.name pun sambut new year.it started at 12.00am and we had 3 hours to kill!oh mann it was freezing cold!i asked myself if i could wait that long.there were lots of people hugging each other because the temperature was impossible.it was -3.i kept hugging ima and idura.and practiced the better trick; squeezing into the crowd and standing still amongst the ocean of people.and i really pity the babies in the prams.if they could write a diary,i bet the entry for the night will be 'i hate my parents for dragging me out in the cold when i could be sleeping comfortably in a warm court at home'.i bet on that! :P

na'aah.i didnt make it till 12.it was impossible for me.i was freezing cold.i wore 4 layers underneath but i was still shivering.i couldnt feel my nose.i was wearing gloves but my hands were numbs.and clever me,i wore a pair of canvas shoes.not helping!!my feet were frozen that i couldnt feel my toes when i was walking.and hell yeah,it hurts.and in my mind i was thinking, nak balik,nak balik..nak duvett....

and so i went back.straight home to the blanket and duvet and bertapa depan heater.oh it felt sooo goooood.

i switched on my lappy.konon2 nak layan Greys but ahah typical me,i slept halfway.all the way until midnight.

mama called.it was 230am.she called and talked as if she's next door.ive missed this voice.and she wished me a Happy New Year.welcome 2009.

hmm.2009.

1st January 2009.

and uhm a bit of reality check here.by year,i am 24.shoot!