winter wondering

good bye autumn helloooo winter...

winter...hmm

here is my definition of winter.

winter = coldness (its inevitable duhh)
winter = darkness
winter = loneliness
winter = laziness
winter = sickness
winter = wetness (apekahh)
winter = emotional depression
winter = mental depression
winter = constant hunger

winter = winter without you is the longest dreadful season i could have not imagine of.winter without you is the most depriving season it drains my emotions and energy just battling with the inner voices.winter without you is the darkest and i fear losing my way without your guidance.winter without you is the loneliest and i just do not know how to deal with.

when all my life i was always talking about dreaming big and flying high,i guess this winter gives me a different definition of a 'dream'.

one evening i was walking home when i passed a couple in my way.i thought they were crazy but i knew it was just jealousy.they were taking their time walking and laughing and chatting and giggling while i was walking quickly rushing to reach home and salvage myself from the cold wind gushing me outside.yea i guess it speaks a lot about walking alone and walking with someone you are very fond of what more someone you love.their warmth makes you forgot the coldness that surrounds you.and the feeling is just so surreal.

and i snapped immediately.i dont want to do this alone.

so yeah if it means i have to give up my dreams to be with you,i guess i would.i could always find other dreams to live up to.but i guess at the moment i could put my wishlist and dreamboxes aside and work on one bigger dream.i want to just get over with my studies and be with you.even if it means i have to come home for good,i wouldnt mind.even if it means i have to live with that little amount of money that i will earn working there,i wouldnt mind at all.even if it means i could not travel to the europe or any other places for a weekend treat or a short break,i wouldnt mind at all.even if it means i have to finally face the expensive price tags for basic living back home and worrying do i even have enough money to make it to the next pay,i would endure it at all.because afterall,doing all those other things without you is no fun and i would rather be figuring how to live within restrictions with you than living a free life alone.

so i guess winter really brings out the soft spot in me.and makes me realize that dreams are not just about myself but could also be shared with someone else.and that makes the dreams more meaningful than you could ever thought it will.

thank you winter for making me think.

*taking a deep breath*

am currently looking outside the window into the dark.sigh.its only 6pm but it already felt like its 11pm or so.guess i just have to go through this with extra strength and super extra discipline(otherwise all i do is sleep and i could never get my work done!).

oh well.do i even have a choice?looks like i just have to endure this loooong lonely winter.sigh

contemplating but i guess i have to

drama!more drama in life!hehe
oh well.its just that i dont think i can cope.n now im posting in the office waiting for my boss to come.n yeah am going to tell him what i feel.
i cant cope.
its not the workload.its the travelling and rushing to get to places on time.i practically dont have free time as im always either in classes, at school, in the library or in the office working.and i dont get the privilege to enjoy my weekend as i have to compensate the hours i spent in the office on the weekdays.can you imagine how tired i am.sigh.
so yeah i dont normally give up but i guess studying is the main reason why i am here.

noooo curve!

hello huhu...i guess im wrong there:i cant post blogs using my new blackberry.grrr...ive been typing on it to update this blog more regularly but i couldnt seem to find the 'publish post' button.ahh well.looks like i just have to work around the traditional way of postings and no, i wont be updating regularly as how i wished.

*still in italy.oh btw do u guys know we could use our mobile on the plane?how cool is that!*

facebook status vs blog

i have so many things going on and sometimes i just find it hard to cope with it.oh well,most of the times.i thought being here at the very first place could help me adapt to the changes and supposedly i should be able to pick up with studies and the many things going on around me.hmm the initial plan that was.but reality is,though it does help at points,i still am struggling to juggle work and study at the same time.and now that im given even bigger responsibilities in the office,i am really really exhausting all the energies i have to balance my studies and work.as if i dont have enough of this demanding course,i still have to deal with stress at work trying to achieve targets.and i guess it makes sense if im all knackered by the time i reach home.and ouh this time saving makes it even worst now that the sun set is at 4pm which makes me mentally deprived as well.at times i did cry and at all time i hope jeff is around to spoil me with his delicious comfy food he cooks or simply just chill around and cheer me up.
being an emotion-driven girl,these things happening around me a lot of the times invites my mood swings.thank goodness that i dont have that many people around me,i havent really hurt anyone.but thing is sometimes i feel like wanting to let people know that im not well.and so i sought to facebook status to tell people how i feel.but hmm 90% of the time typing them out,i never really post it.i happen to have this thought,ouhh i dont want to be flooding other people's feeds with all sorts of my emotional break down status every 5 minutes.
though i think its better to keep it to myself,i still want to publish what i feel every so often!so yeah,now that i have my new blackberry curve,i will update what ever that i feel on my blog instead.because my blog is my space so hell yeah im going to flood it with my unspoken words-thanks to not having anyone to speak to(mind you my life now is all about work n studies.chill out?naah i'de rather be working on my studio work.durhh)
so yeah once again thanx to my jefriman for forcing me to buy a blackberry,i now can update my blog anywhere anytime!

Allotment 51B

i was sleeping when i read the text from Donal last night.it was sent at 10:08pm and i was already slumped on the couch snoring my way through the night.

Final cost of greenhouse = gbp537.15, cost of manual labour =gbp0, countless days of agony in the rain =priceless!

yerp i only noticed the text this morning when i was setting off my alarm. i had a good laugh at it. yeah agony.tell me about it!

hello people!i havent been writing much have i?hehe pardon me for not finding time to update.oh well it doesnt really matter i guess because i officially dedicated this blog to some close friends who'd been bugging me to update how ive been doing.and yeah especially to you!so ive not really upset anyone right.

okay cool.

now,now that i have been back to school,i guess i have more interesting stuff to write.hmm let me think yeah oh yeah.i have got words pouring out of my head now my fingers couldnt cope with its pace.i probably need to improve on my typing speed because to be honest i think im pretty slow at typing,oh well compared to the speed jeff is typing.sometimes when i look at him typing emails or comments or his reports,i was always amazed at how fast he types and i kinda gave him that stare of a superhero.you know,the kind of look that you are staring up above at a superhero saving the world from the bad people,fighting the dinosaurs and dragons,and you have that sparkling eyes admiring and secretly whispering 'oh save me superhero!i love you!'.hahah i guess i had too much tv when i was small but hey,after all,jeff is my own version of superhero.forget batman and superman.ive got jefriman! how cool is that!

see i talks craps most of the times.back to the topic,or rather the text.for the past few weeks i had been some sort of cheap labor on the site working on constructing a greenhouse that my group had designed.the project was just amazing i think we combined few elements into our design and actually got it built!the site is an allotment site at N17 and we were supposed to build a greenhouse to a certain requirement within the budget of gbp300.but as always,being architecture students who always want to impress others,our group had designed a greenhouse that has got a shed attached to it and an incredible rammed earth wall!(imagine there is actually other group working on experimental rammed earth wall but we have already integrated it into our design and built it within the same time frame as the other one.arent we amazing!lol)

so yeah put the three big elements together and aint it obvious from the text that we blew the budget by almost 100%.n we didnt finish it on time.infact,it was dragged for almost a month until it was finally completed last sunday.no,before you start judging us as being lazybums,let me tell you how hard we had worked on it.

we have only got one week before we have to present our work.the group is made up from 8people and was split up into two i)do the timber work in the workshop at school ii)build the rammed earth wall!!and hooray the weather had been harsh on us that we had a wet week to work with.so yeah it makes sense when we were unable to finish on time because mind you,building rammed earth wall in the rain was not an easy task!and because the timbers were too long,the guys were not allowed to use the workshop and had to work in the rain,sawing the timbers manually.pity us?better do!

and yeah we were due to finish by friday which was not the case obviously.the coming weeks we couldnt come on the weekdays because the classes and unit works had kicked off leaving us no free time to be wasted on the site.and so it was dragged to the weekends and hmm let me see,for the past 4weekends,i dragged my feet out of the bed to the thought of going to the site and having to be cheap labour working in the cold.blerrrgghhhhh~

anyhow,we had fun.i had fun.haha no seriously,i had fun!perhaps i should share the fun i had with you so you could also see what the hell was i trying to say up there.jeff,this particular blog is especially dedicated to you.now dont nag at me saying i dont make friends with people.(i love u still :P)

Donal and i were assigned to find materials for the greenhouse and so we hop from one reclaim yard to another for the price comparison.

Donal checking out the timber we need for the post.these posts were priced at gbp19.hell expensive it was!!

timbers at reclaim yard.they were selling each piece of these at 50p!isnt it obvious we would go for this one instead? :P
our site.well i dont really have the site picture but these guys were having discussion on the site.
ok this is the grave we dug to bury ourselves in case the project didnt go right.haha!andy vee and hee (and me) were digging the soils to be used as rammed earth wall.
the framework for our rammed earth wall.
we had to put up a tent from the dpm avoiding the wall to be wet.rain oh rainn
i had a go at this but it was waaaay harder than how it looks.toby and hee ramming the earth in the framework.now u see the idea of our rammed earth wall?
yeay we've got one nice sunny day and the wall was halfway up!
yerp.im a girl but that was no excuse from the hard labor!after digging the earth out and mixing to a certain consistency(macam nak buat kek laa), we had to scoop it up into the framework for the guys to do the ramming.
the wall is done.time for framework!
thats right!we worked till late night and even in the dark!

and i havent got the rest of the pictures because i simply had forgotten to snap anymore.but anyhoo,this is how it had turned out to be!

tadaaaaa
our shed+rammed earth wall+greenhouse.it sure was a lot of effort putting these things together.look at those claddings!vee and i had to saw it out from pallettes manually!crazy work but yeah we had equal fun too!(sorry the group photo was with andy otherwise i would post it here as well ;)

i am glaaaaaaddd that i dont have to drag my feet to the site this weekend.in fact,ide be happy to because we are having bonfire night at the site to celebrate our completion!yippie!good job guys!

ps/i was working hard too!i wasnt in the pictures wasnt because i tuang kerja but because i was the one who snapped the pictures.makes sense? :P