winter wondering

good bye autumn helloooo winter...

winter...hmm

here is my definition of winter.

winter = coldness (its inevitable duhh)
winter = darkness
winter = loneliness
winter = laziness
winter = sickness
winter = wetness (apekahh)
winter = emotional depression
winter = mental depression
winter = constant hunger

winter = winter without you is the longest dreadful season i could have not imagine of.winter without you is the most depriving season it drains my emotions and energy just battling with the inner voices.winter without you is the darkest and i fear losing my way without your guidance.winter without you is the loneliest and i just do not know how to deal with.

when all my life i was always talking about dreaming big and flying high,i guess this winter gives me a different definition of a 'dream'.

one evening i was walking home when i passed a couple in my way.i thought they were crazy but i knew it was just jealousy.they were taking their time walking and laughing and chatting and giggling while i was walking quickly rushing to reach home and salvage myself from the cold wind gushing me outside.yea i guess it speaks a lot about walking alone and walking with someone you are very fond of what more someone you love.their warmth makes you forgot the coldness that surrounds you.and the feeling is just so surreal.

and i snapped immediately.i dont want to do this alone.

so yeah if it means i have to give up my dreams to be with you,i guess i would.i could always find other dreams to live up to.but i guess at the moment i could put my wishlist and dreamboxes aside and work on one bigger dream.i want to just get over with my studies and be with you.even if it means i have to come home for good,i wouldnt mind.even if it means i have to live with that little amount of money that i will earn working there,i wouldnt mind at all.even if it means i could not travel to the europe or any other places for a weekend treat or a short break,i wouldnt mind at all.even if it means i have to finally face the expensive price tags for basic living back home and worrying do i even have enough money to make it to the next pay,i would endure it at all.because afterall,doing all those other things without you is no fun and i would rather be figuring how to live within restrictions with you than living a free life alone.

so i guess winter really brings out the soft spot in me.and makes me realize that dreams are not just about myself but could also be shared with someone else.and that makes the dreams more meaningful than you could ever thought it will.

thank you winter for making me think.

*taking a deep breath*

am currently looking outside the window into the dark.sigh.its only 6pm but it already felt like its 11pm or so.guess i just have to go through this with extra strength and super extra discipline(otherwise all i do is sleep and i could never get my work done!).

oh well.do i even have a choice?looks like i just have to endure this loooong lonely winter.sigh