h o p e . . . ?

excitement strikes. am currently filled with joy and anxiousness. suddenly the sky is bluer than it seems. and the weather is prettier than it should be. the trees are dancing to the winds. the sun is shining brightly and the wind is whispering faintly through my ears. summer breeze is on his way.

i stood up straight arms wide open face up to the sun. i am just happy and the universe seems to be sharing it with me.i am smiling and i cant stop.

in my eyelids i see little children flying kites in the sky, running around chasing each other chattering gleefully. i felt as if im part of them. i wanted to join them, badly i do. i waived and i waived till i get noticed. we didnt speak but we ggigled our way. i am them! i am the children in the lids! they are the happy thoughts i have thats been playing around in my head. they are my inner strength ready to strike focused and they are the postive energy that echoes in my ears.

but joy, please dont go overboard!

and ive got a sudden urge. i wanted to jump but my feet got stuck on the ground. i wanted to run but my legs are too heavy to move. i wanted to shout but my throat seems to dry out and im left with all these excitement without any chances of expressing it to the world.

i sat straight and still. my stomach is swirling. butterflies are flapping inside.. oh no i felt a sudden sickness and im all sweating now. children, where are you? where have you all been to? please dont leave me alone. please help me overcome this sickness. for a moment i lied down helplessly. no more green grass. no more kites. no more summer breeze. no nothing. only me and the blazing hot sands.

why do i have to be here?why do i even have to be here?

the battle is within me. listen to the dark and i'll faint. hold on to the light and i'll rise. i definitely will! 'hope, dont leave me in the dark..' 'please, carry me through to the lights..' i begged and i begged. i dont want to face all these alone.

all these little plays that i have, they are me! and they resemble me.

flush these darkness away. i cant afford to lose my strength. at least not for now nor never. i want to hear the gleeful voices in my head, forever. am going to wash my head and my hair. and am going to wrap them with optimism. im rising up again. higher than before.

Dear Allah, please help me through. hamba-Mu ini amatlah lemah menghadapi dunia-Mu. murahkanlah rezeki ku dan permudahkan lah urusan ku..ameen..